sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
