We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
