So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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