how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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