??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Randomize
