Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
