i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
