you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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