Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
