All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
