i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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