Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
