My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
