Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
