Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
