My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
