He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I faked an abortion last night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
