; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
