I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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