mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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