It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
the raccoons are back...
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