You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
