Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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