Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
