Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
