I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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