How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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