The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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