I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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