he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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