Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
me + whiskey = a bad person
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
