do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
