I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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