I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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