I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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