i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
