I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
