I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
