she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
