I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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