my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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