i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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