So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
