he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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