The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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