i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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