just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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