We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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