Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
