I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
