thus making me awesome and them whores
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
