I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
