hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
