don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
