I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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