sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
