I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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