is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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