I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
